How to Deal with Abusive Relationship?

Good for you for being here! Abusive relationships don’t just fix themselves, and you’re smart enough to know that. Instead of just putting up with it and “waiting until it gets bad enough,” you’re here to get help and make things better.

No matter how bad things are, you’ve got what it takes to make it better. You are smarter, stronger and healthier than you realize. Believe in yourself, and never, ever give up on you!

Whether you are victim, abuser or both, the problems go south real fast when somebody gives up. You just can’t afford to do that.

Relationships are supposed to feel good and make your life better. Don’t settle for anything less than that. You are worthy of loving relationships, even if you’re the one who’s been causing the problems.

You are worthwhile, valuable and good, no matter how you’re feeling right now. And that’s the key to beginning the process of breaking free from abusive relationships.

What Do You Need To Know Right Now?

  • You are a good person, and you deserve to be treated with respect–no matter what. This doesn’t mean you’re perfect, it just means you are human, and worthy of respect.
  • Regardless of who you are or what you’ve done, I have some relationship advice for you–you do not deserve to be abused.
  • You must be willing to take responsibility. That’s where your freedom comes from. It doesn’t mean you’re responsible for the abusive relationship, it just means you are responsible for taking action to protect yourself and others who are being hurt.
  • Assuming you are an adult, you are capable of taking action to improve your situation–you already have! You’re here reading this web page, aren’t you?. One step at a time, and you’ll get there.
  • You are not alone! There are people on this web site that will help you deal with abusive relationships.  Remember, one step at a time!
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Leave Abusive Relationships, Or Stay And Keep Trying?

One option is to get out of the relationship. The other is to stay and try to work things out. But first, we have to figure out which is the best option!

Here are some things to consider in making your decision:

  • Are you or anyone being hurt physically?
  • Are you or anyone being sexually abused?
  • Are you or anyone being threatened physically or sexually? Do you or anyone feel your life is in danger?
  • If you are not sure what physical or sexual abuse is, you will find a full description here.

These are “worse case scenarios,” and if you answered “yes” to any or all of the above, you need to find a safe place to go immediately. If you end up getting a divorce, you will need some divorce advice on letting go of a relationship.

There is also emotional or mental abuse. This type of abuse, although it may not seem as extreme as the above, can be just as devastating. Here are some questions to help you decide if you’re being emotionally abused:

    • Do you find yourself afraid of your partner and don’t really know why?
    • Do you feel worse about yourself after or while being with your partner?
    • Does it seem like your partner does not respect your ability to make your own decisions?
    • Does it seem like your partner does not respect you in general?

This type of situation can make start to doubt yourself, and actually interfere with your decision making ability. This can start a downward spiral that just keeps going until you feel that you are not competent to take care of yourself.

Then, if you are actually being abused, you become more and more dependent on the abuser. Not a good thing.

Is It Time For You To Help Yourself?

In order to survive abusive relationships, you must educate yourself. Understanding abusive relationships is a first step, and it will also help you to learn to respect yourself and develop healthy anger.

Healthy anger is based on self-love, and it does not harm anyone. Healthy anger is for the purpose of protecting you and keeping you safe.

Healthy anger fuels effective action!

Here are some thoughts for you to consider:

  • You are a person of value, and you are worthy of kindness and fair treatment.
  • No one has the right to hurt you physically, sexually, emotionally or mentally. Of course we all get hurt somewhat in our love relationships–however, if the harm is being done intentionally and it keeps happening, that’s another thing. That means you are one of the many good souls caught in abusive relationships.
  • You are not alone. There are thousands of people all over the country devoted to helping people just like you to get yourself and your children out of abusive relationships.
  • If you are having anger management problems of your own, you probably need to learn these anger management techniques yourself–especially if you are sometimes abusive to your partner yourself!

Are You Ready To Take Effective Action?

If you know you’re in an abusive relationship, but you’re afraid to do anything, here is the help. It all starts with you. Focusing on the other person will only keep you stuck.

  • This self-focus needs to be positive, because you certainly don’t need anything to make you feel bad about yourself.
  • Help yourself heal emotionally and truly love yourself–because you are your best resource for healing.
  • If you’re married or planning to marry, this is your best beginning point for creating a healthy relationship with your spouse. It really is true that you have to love yourself before you can truly love another…or let them love you.

Never, ever give up on yourself! It is never hopeless, no matter how bad it may seem. You have the courage and the good heart to do what must be done to keep yourself and your children safe, and it all starts with self love.

Does The Abuse Come From Too Much Attachment?

What can you say? Are you one of those being abused? Share anything. Please like my Facebook page for more interesting posts.


What is Battered Woman Syndrome?

This is a condition that you find yourself in with someone you love, or someone you have loved and are afraid to leave.

How did this happen? You never planned for your relationship to turn into a battered wife syndrome. Let’s look at an explanation of how relationships become abusive:

    • The obvious first part is where you fall in love.
    • Then, because you both have unfinished business from your past, old pain and fear is activated over time. This can happen anywhere from the first few days to the first few years, but it happens to virtually all couples.
    • Because of your husband’s issues, he got caught up in trying to control you, and he resorted to physical aggression.
    • You didn’t like it, but you didn’t leave…or you left and came back. And that’s because you love him more than yourself.
    • Things got better, and you hoped for the best, but it happened again, and again, and again.

This may have happened to you in one relationship, or in multiple relationships. The point is that you have gotten caught in a battered wife syndrome pattern in which you’re being abused, and you need help getting out.

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The battered wife syndrome always involves some kind of verbal abuse, which is inevitably emotional abuse. It’s important to learn about those types of harm in relationships, as well.

How Do You Heal From Battered Wife Syndrome?

That’s the question, isn’t it? Well, hear are some answers for you, below.

Keep in mind that all of these ideas might not apply to you or your situation. You decide what fits best for you, then you love yourself enough to do the right thing.

    • First priority is your physical safety and the physical safety of your children, if there are children involved. Child Protective Services and Family Services agencies in your area will be able to give you contact information for shelters where you can go and be safe from the abuser in your life. If you don’t value yourself enough to seek protection, then at least do it for your children.
    • Next you need to think about breaking the cycle of abuse. The components of the cycle, as you can see in the image, are unmet needs, anxiety, seeking love, finding relief, pleasing and appeasing, control and abuse, anger and fear, reconciliation and “back to normal.”
    • You break the cycle by taking responsibility for your safety (and your children’s safety if they’re part of it), rather than worrying about whether “he will get better” or focusing on the fact that you love him.
    • You break the cycle by respecting yourself enough to only maintain relationships in which you are treated with care and respect. You begin to recognize that you are a good person and you are worthy of respect in your relationships.
      • One of the best ways out of the battered wife syndrome is with healthy anger.
      • Anger is a protective emotion, and you need to have some healthy anger if you and/or your children are being abused. You are your own best

anger management resource.

If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else can! In other words, you have to take the first steps, to reach out for help, then there will be others to help you.

If you just stay in the cycle (read all of the parts carefully, in the image above), the abuse will only get worse, and could even become fatal.

You are a good person, worthy of respect and care!


What is your part of this story? Let us know and how you handled it. Please like my Facebook page for more interesting posts.

Struggles of a NaTay (Mother and Father in 1)

“When a baby comes along, it is a blessing.”. How will a woman feel such if she was left behind by the other person whom she entrusted herself to? I had my share about being a single mom. At first, it was a combination of being ecstatic, furious,  and anxious. I will explain one by one. There are funny sides as well. As we continue, please put your shoes to mine to better understand me.


“A person is inside of me.” I uttered when I discovered that I was weeks pregnant. I already imagined ribbons, dolls, toy cars, balls, cradle, rattle and other baby stuff. I was thankful that finally someone will be with me all the time. I have now someone who I will watch over and someone who will watch over me. Although it was a difficult challenge to be a NaTay (Nanay and Tatay at the same time), I was more ecstatic than anxious.


It was the most furious event of my whole existence when my ex-partner denied the child in my womb. “How can someone be so irresponsible to reach the point of forsaking his own?” I had no choice but to be by myself and my little one.


I asked myself, “How can I be able to manage someone else’s life when I cannot manage mine?” There were so many questions with regard to raising the child on my own, our financial status, our social status and my reputation as a woman. We all know that we live in a world with too much rejection and deviation. My uncertainties include social acceptance and limited opportunities. “What is next in life now that I am a single mom?”, “Will there still be somebody who will accept me and my child, taken as a packaged deal?” (naisip ko pa yun!)

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Hundreds of questions emerged from that one particular situation. I did not know what to expect. I was full of mixed emotions which varies from each day that passed by. It was year 2004. Surprisingly, when I told my guy friends about my pregnancy, it was like they were with me in every stage. My friends and family were there as well. I never felt alone at all. I cannot believe that the few good men I met before I got pregnant was still willing to be with me “in a relationship”, and one even wanted to raise the child as his. Whoa! Was it true? Yes, it was.  That was one of the anxious part, the main concern was, my love life will never be the same again. But, there is really a rainbow after the rain. I did appreciate their offers but since I was in a delicate and emotional state, I declined all the offers. Sorry guys!

After I gave birth, I decided to stay single and focus on my girl. Yes, she was and she is still a very lovely one. I prayed every night to the good Lord to make her a lovely child, obedient, loving, smart and responsible. God, answered my prayers. Years passed, I recovered from the pain of my C-section and the emotional distress. I decided to stay single. After some time, I tried to engage in several relationship but did not succeed.

What are the struggles?

  1. I felt I did not have equal opportunity as a single mom; judgment and discrimination have been always around. I was preconceived as malandi (a flirt), unequipped to handle bigger roles, and prone to mistakes.
  2. For once, I felt less of a person than I was because I got to compare myself to single ladies of my age.  I thought they were more qualified or privileged to be in a relationship.
  3. During those years before I got married, I worked 6 times a week. I rendered overtime in the call center I worked at to earn more and get greater incentives. I get to rest only on Sundays. (Curacha, ang babaeng walang pahinga). Yet, of course I had to spend quality time with my daughter. Thanks to my Dad; he took care of her while I worked.
  4. I worked a double job. Call center representative at night and pre-school teacher in the morning for several months. I took advantage of every avenue to earn. I also sell imported goodies at work and sometimes food packs. Hindi ako si Darna. 🙂
  5. I was not able to work in the industry related to my field of studies since my concern was to have a higher pay. Yet, it was a rewarding job.
  6. I do not have the luxury of shopping or do the activities I used to do since, I had to take care of my daughter after work or rest from my 6 day work. On paydays, my salary went straight to milk, diapers and other basic needs.

What else? The 6 items mentioned above looks simple, but what comprises each struggle took a long time before it was over. It was years of everyday battle which seemed no ending. I had  realizations and lessons that made me a better person than I used to.

I want to expound each struggles, but those will be really long ones. I will keep some details for my book.

To all the single moms, I have profound respect for you. Continue to work hard for the kiddos. Single moms are super heroines without a cape. People who do not understand single moms will always loiter around and bring you down. Do not mind them, they are not as strong as you.

Please spare the single moms from the judgment. They work to survive.

Feel free to share your experience as a single mom or anyone you know. If you liked this post, please like my Facebook page for more social relevant posts.