How to Deal with Abusive Relationship?

Good for you for being here! Abusive relationships don’t just fix themselves, and you’re smart enough to know that. Instead of just putting up with it and “waiting until it gets bad enough,” you’re here to get help and make things better.

No matter how bad things are, you’ve got what it takes to make it better. You are smarter, stronger and healthier than you realize. Believe in yourself, and never, ever give up on you!

Whether you are victim, abuser or both, the problems go south real fast when somebody gives up. You just can’t afford to do that.

Relationships are supposed to feel good and make your life better. Don’t settle for anything less than that. You are worthy of loving relationships, even if you’re the one who’s been causing the problems.

You are worthwhile, valuable and good, no matter how you’re feeling right now. And that’s the key to beginning the process of breaking free from abusive relationships.

What Do You Need To Know Right Now?

  • You are a good person, and you deserve to be treated with respect–no matter what. This doesn’t mean you’re perfect, it just means you are human, and worthy of respect.
  • Regardless of who you are or what you’ve done, I have some relationship advice for you–you do not deserve to be abused.
  • You must be willing to take responsibility. That’s where your freedom comes from. It doesn’t mean you’re responsible for the abusive relationship, it just means you are responsible for taking action to protect yourself and others who are being hurt.
  • Assuming you are an adult, you are capable of taking action to improve your situation–you already have! You’re here reading this web page, aren’t you?. One step at a time, and you’ll get there.
  • You are not alone! There are people on this web site that will help you deal with abusive relationships.  Remember, one step at a time!
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Leave Abusive Relationships, Or Stay And Keep Trying?

One option is to get out of the relationship. The other is to stay and try to work things out. But first, we have to figure out which is the best option!

Here are some things to consider in making your decision:

  • Are you or anyone being hurt physically?
  • Are you or anyone being sexually abused?
  • Are you or anyone being threatened physically or sexually? Do you or anyone feel your life is in danger?
  • If you are not sure what physical or sexual abuse is, you will find a full description here.

These are “worse case scenarios,” and if you answered “yes” to any or all of the above, you need to find a safe place to go immediately. If you end up getting a divorce, you will need some divorce advice on letting go of a relationship.

There is also emotional or mental abuse. This type of abuse, although it may not seem as extreme as the above, can be just as devastating. Here are some questions to help you decide if you’re being emotionally abused:

    • Do you find yourself afraid of your partner and don’t really know why?
    • Do you feel worse about yourself after or while being with your partner?
    • Does it seem like your partner does not respect your ability to make your own decisions?
    • Does it seem like your partner does not respect you in general?

This type of situation can make start to doubt yourself, and actually interfere with your decision making ability. This can start a downward spiral that just keeps going until you feel that you are not competent to take care of yourself.

Then, if you are actually being abused, you become more and more dependent on the abuser. Not a good thing.

Is It Time For You To Help Yourself?

In order to survive abusive relationships, you must educate yourself. Understanding abusive relationships is a first step, and it will also help you to learn to respect yourself and develop healthy anger.

Healthy anger is based on self-love, and it does not harm anyone. Healthy anger is for the purpose of protecting you and keeping you safe.

Healthy anger fuels effective action!

Here are some thoughts for you to consider:

  • You are a person of value, and you are worthy of kindness and fair treatment.
  • No one has the right to hurt you physically, sexually, emotionally or mentally. Of course we all get hurt somewhat in our love relationships–however, if the harm is being done intentionally and it keeps happening, that’s another thing. That means you are one of the many good souls caught in abusive relationships.
  • You are not alone. There are thousands of people all over the country devoted to helping people just like you to get yourself and your children out of abusive relationships.
  • If you are having anger management problems of your own, you probably need to learn these anger management techniques yourself–especially if you are sometimes abusive to your partner yourself!

Are You Ready To Take Effective Action?

If you know you’re in an abusive relationship, but you’re afraid to do anything, here is the help. It all starts with you. Focusing on the other person will only keep you stuck.

  • This self-focus needs to be positive, because you certainly don’t need anything to make you feel bad about yourself.
  • Help yourself heal emotionally and truly love yourself–because you are your best resource for healing.
  • If you’re married or planning to marry, this is your best beginning point for creating a healthy relationship with your spouse. It really is true that you have to love yourself before you can truly love another…or let them love you.

Never, ever give up on yourself! It is never hopeless, no matter how bad it may seem. You have the courage and the good heart to do what must be done to keep yourself and your children safe, and it all starts with self love.

Does The Abuse Come From Too Much Attachment?

What can you say? Are you one of those being abused? Share anything. Please like my Facebook page for more interesting posts.


What is Battered Woman Syndrome?

This is a condition that you find yourself in with someone you love, or someone you have loved and are afraid to leave.

How did this happen? You never planned for your relationship to turn into a battered wife syndrome. Let’s look at an explanation of how relationships become abusive:

    • The obvious first part is where you fall in love.
    • Then, because you both have unfinished business from your past, old pain and fear is activated over time. This can happen anywhere from the first few days to the first few years, but it happens to virtually all couples.
    • Because of your husband’s issues, he got caught up in trying to control you, and he resorted to physical aggression.
    • You didn’t like it, but you didn’t leave…or you left and came back. And that’s because you love him more than yourself.
    • Things got better, and you hoped for the best, but it happened again, and again, and again.

This may have happened to you in one relationship, or in multiple relationships. The point is that you have gotten caught in a battered wife syndrome pattern in which you’re being abused, and you need help getting out.

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The battered wife syndrome always involves some kind of verbal abuse, which is inevitably emotional abuse. It’s important to learn about those types of harm in relationships, as well.

How Do You Heal From Battered Wife Syndrome?

That’s the question, isn’t it? Well, hear are some answers for you, below.

Keep in mind that all of these ideas might not apply to you or your situation. You decide what fits best for you, then you love yourself enough to do the right thing.

    • First priority is your physical safety and the physical safety of your children, if there are children involved. Child Protective Services and Family Services agencies in your area will be able to give you contact information for shelters where you can go and be safe from the abuser in your life. If you don’t value yourself enough to seek protection, then at least do it for your children.
    • Next you need to think about breaking the cycle of abuse. The components of the cycle, as you can see in the image, are unmet needs, anxiety, seeking love, finding relief, pleasing and appeasing, control and abuse, anger and fear, reconciliation and “back to normal.”
    • You break the cycle by taking responsibility for your safety (and your children’s safety if they’re part of it), rather than worrying about whether “he will get better” or focusing on the fact that you love him.
    • You break the cycle by respecting yourself enough to only maintain relationships in which you are treated with care and respect. You begin to recognize that you are a good person and you are worthy of respect in your relationships.
      • One of the best ways out of the battered wife syndrome is with healthy anger.
      • Anger is a protective emotion, and you need to have some healthy anger if you and/or your children are being abused. You are your own best

anger management resource.

If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else can! In other words, you have to take the first steps, to reach out for help, then there will be others to help you.

If you just stay in the cycle (read all of the parts carefully, in the image above), the abuse will only get worse, and could even become fatal.

You are a good person, worthy of respect and care!


What is your part of this story? Let us know and how you handled it. Please like my Facebook page for more interesting posts.

Call Center Employees – Misjudged

I was once a part of the BPO (Business Process Outsourcing) industry for about 5 years. It was the industry which helped me through in providing for my family. The BPO is a huge dollar (foreign currency) earning industry in the country for the past years until at present. It can almost surpass the income being sent by our Bayaning Filipinos – OFW through remittance may it be US$, Euro€, Emirati Dirhams and other currencies.

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Are the people still in the stereotype that the call center agents are Phone Operators Only? If yes, I beg to discontinue from the wrong connotation.  These people are not just “Thank you for calling…”. Just so you know, try to put yourself on these situations.

  • Sleepless nights : They sleep in the morning when everyone is wide awake. That is also the same time when loud noises are heard from vehicles, machineries, appliances, videoke and if lucky enough quarreling neighbors. “Mabuti nang walang tulog kesa walang gising”.
  • Less Family time : (Sometimes) They sacrifice the quality time with their loved ones such as spending birthdays, anniversaries, reunion, holidays and others. They have the privilege to file for a Leave, but in some cases, it won’t be approved, this happens. “Bawi na lang sa ibang araw, sagot ko”.
  • No Work Suspension (even on calamity) : We call them The Immortals. These people relentlessly go to work even if the roads are flooded. They would do all the possible ways just to get to work including riding a boat or tumawid sa lubid. “Male-late lang ng konti, on the way na po ako boss.”

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Having said those, they are still under a scrutiny and more of an underrated judgment. I once read from Facebook post shared numerous times (grateful if someone can give me the link), he was riding a jeep and eavesdrop on a conversation between a public school teacher and her kumare. The kumare asked for the teacher’s children. And the teacher responded that she does not want her kids to work in a call center lang and other stuff that irritated the agent. Being heard by a call center agent, he was not able to hold of his feelings and butt in. I do not have the verbatim, but it goes something like this: Bakit po anong masama sa call center? Teacher po kayo? Ano pong tinuturo nyo sa mga estudyante nyo? Baka nga po yung anak nyo gusto mag trabaho sa call center. Hindi ko mahintay na makapagtrabaho sya sa call center dahil malaking sampal sa mukha nyo kung mangyayare yun.” The agent bordered rudeness yet we cannot blame him for expressing his emotions over a judgment of his decent job. My take: I want this in Tagalog para may #hugot. “Excuse me po mam, public school teacher po ba kayo? Edi sa tax po ng mga empleyado galing ang sweldo nyo kasama ang malalaking tax ng call center agents na inaalipusta nyo. Baka mismong mga anak nyo nahihiya sa sinabi nyo.” I’m sorry, just got carried away. #SorryNotSorry

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Can’t we respect them? I mean, they have a decent job which provides for their family and themselves. Aside from it is a high paying job compared to other industry in the Philippines they have great chances for promotion. Since the call center industry is heading its way up, yes up. Promotion means even a higher pay,  more help to the family and more tax for the Philippine government. I sometimes envy what these people are getting such as:

  • Higher than usual Basic pay
  • Medical insurance (health cards)
  • Transportation allowance
  • Meal allowance
  • Tenure allowance
  • Rice allowance
  • Clothing allowance
  • Over time pay and GC incentives
  • Loan qualification (salary, personal, car, housing etc.)
  • Monthly Performance incentive
  • Quarterly Performance incentive
  • Attendance incentive
  • FREE meals on certain occasions
  • Communication allowance (for TLs and up)
  • Sales Commission
  • FREE brand new handset every year (for TLs and up)
  • Other perks from the company (company give aways)
  • Gifts on birthdays, Mother’s day, Father’s day
  • Christmas package give aways
  • Referral incentives
  • Big discounts on partner companies such as realty developers, and other merchants
  • Career development (including personal and emotional)
  • FREE Certification and Training
  • Affiliation to interest groups
  • Travel incentives
  • Retirement package

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What else? As much as I want to think more, I can’t help but realize how blessed these people are. And yet they are being criticized for speaking the English language in public places (practice makes perfect), for being in Starbucks Coffee shop always (they can afford, please spare them), for having branded personal stuff (come on, they deserve to treat themselves after a hard work done) and many others that I observed.

Just like the carpenters, I respect them. They can build cabinets, houses, buildings and others. I cannot build such. They look dirty and all but I respect them.

I am a graduate of a 4 year course, has units in Masters, a licensed secondary educator and have taken several certification courses. Though I love the banking industry (previous job), if given a chance, I would work again in the BPO industry that has more room for career and personal development.

Try to be one. In that way, we would understand who they are and what they have to go through from initial interview, assessment, final interview, communication training, product training, fish bowling, until they reach the actual production floor. That’s a lot! Even more, they try their best to get regularized and maintain the status over a changing score card goals on a monthly basis. I can almost remember, I already exhausted my energy and resources to assist a caller but to her, its still NOTHING! Not easy…